CHAPTER 16: RUDOLPH’S RAP BATTLE

Frostbite Arena & Global Stream

The Frostbite Arena was a coliseum of black ice and neon, sixty-nine hundred seats filled with Elf Legion in red latex, jingle plugs vibrating in 3-SE beat: DENY. RELEASE. BURN.

At 11:11:00 p.m., the Rap Battle Stage rose from the floor—a carbon-fiber circle etched with the Cartel sigil, sixty-nine feet wide, rimmed with sixty-nine-thousand-lumen LEDs synced to Rudolph’s nose.

inSANiTy clAws sat on the Zaddy Throne, velvet suit open, eighteen-inch cock dripping pre-cum that froze into MIC mid-air. Mrs. C beside him, blood-red PVC unzipped, nipple-bell chiming DROP. Kinky the Elf activated the global stream. Vixen’s 8K 360 rig went live.

“Cartel fam, Rudolph rap battle. Diss Blitzen’s premature zap. Tips = extra beats.”

Chat: sixty-nine thousand dollars | “ROAST HIM”

A single red spotlight finds Rudolph first. He steps out alone, nose pulsing blood-bright, antlers wrapped in gold chains that clink like sleigh bells when he moves. The beat hasn’t even dropped yet and the elves are already screaming. Rave-strobe nose at sixty-nine thousand lumens, nuclear red. USB-C port glowing. Rehab chip at seventy-five percent. He grabbed a candy-cane mic, tip vibrating at six thousand nine hundred hertz.

Then the lights die. Total black. A low, sub-bass growl rolls through the floor.

Black strobes cut on, and Blitzen is suddenly there, stage left, claws out, antlers filed to obsidian points, wearing nothing but a black leather harness and the word FUCK RUDY tattooed across his chest in dripping red. The beat slams in: a mutilated “Carol of the Bells” flipped into 808 hell. Eleven-inch cock twitching. He grabbed a lightning bolt mic, sparking.

Kinky cracked her crop. “Rules: sixty-nine bars each. Diss the zap. Winner mints sixty-nine million $NUTT SE.”

At 11:17:47, they don’t circle. They don’t posture. They just start.

Rudolph’s nose glowin’ like a spotlight, voice velvet and venom.

“Yo, Blitzen, you fast? I’m the reason we fly,

Without my red beam, y’all crash in the sky!

You pull in the back, just a muscle-bound mule,

I’m the GPS, fool— inSANiTy’s number-one tool!

Fog so thick, couldn’t see your own snout,

I cut through the haze while you whimper and pout.

“Rudolph with your nose so bright”—that’s my anthem, son,

You just “Blitzen”? Sounds like a glitch when I’m done!”

Elf Legion roared and applaud. Frozen cum spelled RUDOLPH.

Blitzen stomps forward, hooves crackin’ ice.

“Ha! Little lightbulb, you glow, that’s cute,

But who hauls the sleigh when the blizzard’s acute?

I’m thunder, I’m lightning, I’m speed incarnate,

You’re a night-light on reindeer—admit it, you’re soft, mate!

inSANiTy calls me when the workload’s insane,

You prance in the front ‘cause you can’t handle strain.

Your nose is a gimmick, a one-trick parade,

I’m the engine, the power—without me, you’re delayed!”

Chat: sixty-nine thousand dollars | “ZAP BACK”

At 11:23:11, Rudolph’s second verse.

“Engine? Please—you’re diesel, I’m solar-powered,

Outshine your whole squad while you cower and glower.

Remember the games? They laughed, called me lame,

Till I saved Snortmas—now they scream my name!

You flex in the traces, all grunt and no flair,

I’m the face on the merch, the plushies, the prayer!

“Blitzen the brave”? Nah, more like “Blitzen the backup,

” I’m the MVP, you just fill in the crackup!”

At 11:26:33, Blitzen’s verse.

“MVP? You a mascot, a feel-good distraction,

I’m the traction, the action, the midnight transaction!

Delivering gifts at Mach speed, no brakes,

Your glow’s just aesthetics—I’m the one inSANiTy stakes!

You got bullied to brilliance, I was born for the role,

Storm in my veins, got the heart of a troll.

Red nose gonna fade when the batteries die,

But my thunder keeps rollin’ long after goodbye!”

They trade bars like blades. Rudolph’s flow is surgical, every punchline timed to the flash of his nose (strobes that make the elves see ghosts). Blitzen’s is pure avalanche: slower, heavier, each syllable landing like a hoof to the ribs.

At 11:37:47, a yeti heckler breached the arena. Eight feet tall, fur matted, wielding a frozen tuna mic. It roared. “Both y’all weak, yeti bars slay!” BOOM. Tuna mic drop. BallBuster’s steel-toe intercepted. CRUNCH. The yeti flew sixty-nine feet. Spankle’s paddle cracked its skull. CumVault harvested sixty-nine liters.

They go back and forth, faster, meaner, until words piling like wreckage. The temperature drops twenty degrees. Breath hangs frozen in the air, forming tiny red and black crystals that rain down like sharp confetti.

At 11:44:11, Final Round-Sudden Death: Both at once, overlapping bars

Rudolph: “I’m the beacon, the reason, the holiday flare!”

Blitzen: “I’m the power, the tower, the sleigh in the air!”

Rudolph: “Without my glow, y’all lost in despair!”

Blitzen: “Without my pull, that sleigh ain’t nowhere!”

DJ Elf cuts the beat – inSANiTy steps in.

inSANiTy: “Ho-ho-hold up! Enough with the beef,

Both of y’all legends—now harness the sleigh, no grief!

Rudolph, you guide; Blitzen, you drive,

Together we deliver—Snortmas stays alive!”

Outro – Crowd roars, aurora flashes red and gold

Rudolph and Blitzen dap antlers, smirkin’,

North Pole’s greatest duo—still workin’.

Mic drop in the snow, battle’s a wrap,

But next year? Rematch—strap in for more rap!

At 12:12:00 in epilogue, the arena dimmed.

· Vixen’s stream hit three hundred fifty million viewers.

· Kinky projected holoscreen:

o BARS DROPPED: 138.

o WINNER: UNDECIDED.

o GLOBAL PRE-ORDERS: 69,696,969 + 69,000 UNITS.

inSANiTy turned. “21 days to Snortmas; 28 days to NUTTBUSTER airdrop”.